I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
