this just has baby written all over it
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
