Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
