gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
