Jerry, you need to find god
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
