My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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