SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize