I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
