No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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