the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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