Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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