How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
