Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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