I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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