I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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