went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
