why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize