so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
