If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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