I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
