It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
