I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just googled if crying burns calories
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
