i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize