im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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