a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
pray to the hookup gods
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So here I am, sexting at work.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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