I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
