Fuck appropriateness.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize