I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
