I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
3 2 1 whiskey
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
