to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
