you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Randomize
