theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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