thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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