Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
