I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
