Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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