If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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