If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
