Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just want to make out with him forever
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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