i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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