im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
