You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
