Sponge bath it is.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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