Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize