Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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