I need to stop coming to work sober
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
