I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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