yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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