OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize