I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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