my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
