how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
