I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
