watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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