I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
