You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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