is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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