home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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