Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Drunk is not a location!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
