i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
