I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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