After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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