i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
