I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
