my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
