i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
