Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
