I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
