mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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