I love black thongs
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
