if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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