I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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