Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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