sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
