Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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