new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Couch. On fire.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
